Stream of Consciousness


Stream of Consciousness originally from the Crispian Mills Message Board (late 1999)
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YNYS: Say precious build, in two tongued starlit weaves and say to God, who are at all ending, without feeling, can a feeling ever end, when a kiss in hand can, breaking kingdom, crushing lung, air pulls you, abyss, find no religion, only bliss...

GLDN74: From this world, I slowly drift to the place where we are one. I feel your hand beside me; darkness tells me you are gone.

YNYS: Among the towers, paranoia enemies, so real coulda shoulda dizzy swim through life, cry in birth + death, what is now...

GLDN74: Now is the light that shines from within you,
Depth of the void keeps your love near,
All that we have are our past life photographs.
The film is exposed and the message is clear.

YNYS: No longer we two, in a house of mirrors standing at the edge, bordering beauty, radiating sincerity + finding popular values are not so popular anymore. Marry or live, to hold onto or set free humans always fly in formation...

Our people are keeping alone with their thoughts, frightful that if they bite the bullet, they’re caught...

GLDN74: Caught up in the darkness, falling into hypocrisy, they know who they are.

As the shadows now fall, the new knights will ride, in the fight for our destiny, feeling that love is the only true call.

YNYS: Knowing the truth is known to them, as well as scraping and pulling at the rags and tatters that cover their eyes. Why are the Gods so cruel to the wise, riding closer to death, when they realize something new and old and long forgot...

GLDN74: Uncover your history, stay close to the truth, for the light that you seek is near.

Tell the world that you know, how to free tortured souls coz' the righteous have nothing to fear.

ELLIE: My life is dull at the moment...my soul is dull. I need answers to questions that I don't even understand myself. How can that be when all you ask is questions? I'm alive.

I see in the mirror something other than me. It's not me, just a body. I see in the mirror a face I don't know, but I've known it for 17 years. If that makes any sense, you are greater than I am. And yes...if that's the question you're asking. The world is full of shadows that slide and fall behind them.

YNYS: What is seen and what is known cannot be met with what you are shown. When you want to see yourself, lie flat on your back and breathe with your mind. No questions exist, only the answers you create. You are alive...

JEDI: Bruised and bloodied,
now we see, now we rise,
with a look of understanding in everyone’s eyes.
Stupid and young, we banished the wise,
but bruised and bloodied,
now we see, now we rise.

TSSITS: All that is gold does not glitter.
Not all those who wander are lost.
The old that is strong does not wither.
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
Wisdom is a journey, many souls are lost on the way--never to be recovered.
But is anyone truly wise?

YNYS: Here the blind are begging for your help, holding out their child's hands to your love, with no life outside their minds, the mind not seeing what it finds. Do they kneel forever in the midst of it all, or would we find a New World if we stopped to crawl?

Jasmine: And so those are the makers of their own prisons, unaware that all that is thought to be ‘real’ is illusion, but within is disillusion, the substance of the Whole, the living Truth that embodies all of life. They cling to maya and cry out only when they do so fall from their pedestals.

And there He is, always with you! God is at the heart of all lives, for what is Life but Himself!

GLDN74: The illusion eclipses our hearts and our minds.
Falling through shadows, our souls scream for air.
The knights have returned and the blind are awakened from the dark empty prison, that no-one saw there.
Justice no longer reserved for the hypocrites. Freedom will reign for those who have shined.
They made a fight for our hopes of the future.
They are the saviors, the knights of mankind.

YNYS: We are seen across roving landscapes, in a vast knowledge of the universe by bards and the all-knowing. Our sanity guarded by intangibility of the divine. Could the canyon between us really be nothing but sacrifice?

ELENWEN: I sit by the fire and think about all I've seen. In wild flowers and butterflies of summers that have been. In yellow leafs and spider webs, in autumns that were, the mist in the morning, the sun of silver and the wind in my hair. I sit by the fire and think on how the world will be when the winter will arrive, without a spring that I could see. There are so many things I have never seen... In all the forests and springs, there is a different green.

YNYS: ...The queen thought, as she meditated her own nature. In her heaven, she was not so separated from those she loved and those she loved existed in a warm field. And their thoughts were caught in the breeze that carried across the field of souls who dreamed and ebbed it on the waves of kinetic blades of grass. They were there too, in the breeze, breathing each moment breathed out by another. How wonderful to know while her body was at war...

NARAYAN: I thought you'd forgotten me,
Left me lingering in your past,
But now we're here again,
Doing the same rounds.
It’s all down to give and take you told me,
But I give and you take.
You pull. I break.

Jasmine: And I asked if this was the way to be, if this was the way of life, if all that exists is You alone? She took the earth into her hands and said, "To dust our bodies will return!" She opened up her arms to the world and called out to her Krishna, "I am Here!"

TSSITS: Left sitting in a twilight gloom,
it was the right, mature thing to do, the only thing to do.
If this is the meaning of mature, then one can only long for the days of youth.
But this is youth...isn't it?

YNYS: Sighing+ sleeping from winning smiles all day long...could I ever find just one of these creatures to call my own...every face is poetry and finds itself a marvel of originality...you would never kill each other if you knew just how beautiful you are...

Jasmine: And beauty lies right there in front of you. You see it in every face and form that is before you. What is in you is beyond the name of beauty alone. It is bliss!

WGF: Again that two tongued starlight, licking her face in the lunar glare.
Breathing and conscious of her decision.
Solemn submission.
The altar within her thoughts.
The capacity for freedom within captivity.
'Slavery is not about being used...
but about being of use...'
Freedom from is more beautiful than freedom to.
The freedom to rape and pillage the planet.
Freedom from herself, freedom to offer up her own gifts,
To offer up her power to another,
Who places it with His own.
And kneeling amongst the stone, the glare,
Not afraid of the dark,
Not afraid of the cold on her naked flesh,
Not afraid of pain or suffering,
On an almost dispassionate platform.

GLDN74: The warm summer sky breathes fire on the darkness. The streets are ignited, our love is to share. Your friends will dance on, feel the power that is calling you. Souls released, no longer to care.

YNYS: Sweet, sweet and infinitely golden...the quiet listened to what the earthquake told them...

Pitry: To listen is hard, too hard for people, they can only hear, they might shout, they cannot understand, how can they? They cannot know. Sweetness....is sweetness reality or is it just a dream gone by?

TSSITS: Strength, only now do I find that it is a cruel illusion. Before it was a necessity, then came Him. Strength, abandoned at the crossroads, unneeded, for now there was trust to take the strain, two to share the burden. But no more. Trust proved fickle. I search for strength once more. Nothing. No one. I lie in a crumpled heap by the crossroads, waiting for strength to return. But all I feel is stupid.

MysticalK: Just empty room. No hope. Just pain. Nothing to say. My heart is broken.

YNYS: While crawling across the pavement stream of blood, behind I stop to rest my head. I do not stop; passing people pick me up."if not for you we'd be lost". Funny I thought I was alone...

Pitry: Loneliness is just a state of mind, while you can relax and feel it inside, you can no longer feel the truth, glittering as if it was all a different place, a different time, a forgotten thing you have left behind...

Arsehole: I really hate dirty socks, you know that? They smell worse than my English teacher does and now, she's a stinky badger! Ahh, I can just feel the hate mail floating in.

YNYS: badger badger burning bright/in the darkness of the night/I wish I may, I wish I might, create a thing that laughs at fright...are we emerging from the cold dark rooms...is the sun burning us frenzied into a gale of laughter...keep talking for I can no longer see...

Pitry: Talking is not believing, you can only see what you believe in, in the darkness fright of night, you can no longer see the light, for suns are many there to see, if only you could come with me, see with me...

I went down to the sea today,
To the lonely sea and sky.
I left my vest and knickers there.
I wonder if they're dry.

Past, tomorrow...does it really make a difference? My God, so many people have talked about them. But they aren't real, now are they? Reality is just a state of mind, taking you by, you can't stop it all or can you? But you can, and the time...what does it do but "stand in our side, dance in your shadow"? When even the now isn't real, wouldn't reality have no meaning at all?

MysticalK: No answers.
Plenty of questions.
No answers,
just a dark, empty room.
No answers.
Just destiny.
No answers.
Just Questions.

MMQ: What's friendship?
To die for somebody.
To cry for somebody.
To stand by one’s side in gloom and doom?
When do you know
Who's to trust, and who's not to be?
Is it just "believe in the people that you love"?
But belief is not a fact, belief is just a faith.
Is it right to always fear?
Fear to get disappointed?
Is that what friendship is all about?
When the night kills day
Friendship is all you have, all you need, and all you fear!

JEDI: Making breaks, pause for the millions,
show me how you've tried.
Kill the pain and send the locusts,
now that you know they've lied
from the start, I could see the end
and now I'm left with a soul to mend,
so many rivers gliding by,
so many choices, yet still she cries:
Where could I go that could make some sense?
What is this world that we live in?
Where is the end to this pretence?
Unfold this for just one young girl...
Change your mind, change any vision.
Grasp your only friend
coz’ time is blind and it makes the mind think
everything must end.

Pitry: Lines chased away in a blue savage way/ Poetry has lost its meaning, lost its say/ Forward we go, chanting in rhymes...

Jump into a sunrise in the rain/ Forgive the future, don't keep sane/ Laugh at the world as long as you can--Dreaming up your life, your fantasies/ As the days go by and you realize/ Singing with no words you are mesmerized. And who says it’s rhyme?

Star: I feel I'm the only one in the world.
Darkness falls outside. My curtains are already drawn.
And when I go to bed, I dream of a new day.
I stare up at my blue ceiling, hoping for a new life,
but I know it won't come to me, there is too much strife.

YNYS: ring hello? Is this the true way to paradise? Ring hello?

GLDN74: Behind the brown eyes lies a tornado of souls, divided by an ocean, but surrounded by a sea of love. The phone rings again, I know that she's there, then the temporal stream distorts and I'm alone, waiting for the light. I cry out in pain, the cruel shards of reality cut deep into my soul with all the blackness of humanity pushing them deeper, until I'm numb to a sick feeling of acceptance. But I'm still here.

YNYS: Rise and fall...quiver then lower your head...reach out your hands when you feel all alone...meeting with palms that fit to your own...rise and then fall...dancing could save our lives...

NARAYAN: I never thought it would be this way,
all that time spent waiting,
but now I’m here and everything’s going wrong.
Why can’t we be the way we used to be,
be in love and let no one come between us,
but that would be too easy,
not to listen to what others say,
to the loved ones who try to hurt us,
to the people who try to burn us.
I wish I could walk away,
but then I don’t want to leave.
I want you to follow,
but you can’t,
"you are stuck in the middle",
and we're playing games around you.
You try to catch us, try to stop us,
but it’s too hard.
I want to walk away from it all,
walk away from the burns and the never healing scars,
but I can’t forget the things that were said,
the words seem to echo around my head,
making me feel like the guilty one,
the worthless, nothing that I feel now,
maybe what she said was true.
I am nothing and I don’t deserve you,
but all I can do now is hurt.
I try to tell you,
but you don’t seem to understand.
Please listen, I know I’m not me right now,
but I’m scared.
I don’t know what to do anymore,
don’t know how to feel.
I can see you, feel you, near me,
yet you're slipping away,
falling away from me,
and maybe it’s all my fault.
I don’t know what to say anymore,
nothing I ever say is right.
If I fight back I lose you.
If I stay quiet I lose me.
I don’t know why I’m telling you this,
why would you want to know,
you say I mean a lot to you.
you even say you love me,
but yet you never stand up or fight for me.
You just don’t seem to care.
I wish you could see how much this hurts me,
how much it tears me apart.
I never want to lose you,
but I can’t carry on like this.
I need to know you feel the same,
that it’s not just me alone
I need to know you'll be there for me
and stay with me through the storms.
I can’t help the way that I feel.
Although, it may seem unfair,
but you never tell me how you're feeling,
you never let me in.
So, I’m stuck here on the outside,
alone again.

YNYS: Watching my cat, I realized how a creature confined can find fascination in things with contentment in her own containment, what makes a situation unbearable, what standards have been set to make us throw up our hands and fly, the tabby and the Hemmingway, while the one with thumbs has settled her niche, the scruffier runs away, "god is simple, everything else is complex, do not seek absolute values in the relative world of nature"-Autobiography of a Yogi (one who performs yoga) by Paramhansa Yogananda

NARAYAN: Although your words may haunt me,
I may never forget what you said,
the shouting and the screaming at me,
I wished and thought you dead.
I have learnt that this is not the answer any more,
I don’t want to carry on like this,
your words and what you say will not hurt me,
your rage will tear right by me,
your silly games are going to end.
I’m not going to play into them anymore,
instead I’m going to rise above,
and leave you far behind.
Play your little childish games,
scream and shout as much as you like,
for I am not going to play anymore.
This time I want to get out.

GLDN74: The white knight saddles up once more, his connection with the fair maiden from afar is lost. He knows he can protect her and complete her destiny, for they will be one, when the tenth avatar will arise. The evil from the far side has been suppressed, but it waits and grows like a foreign life force. Feeding from the positive energy and bringing blackness. But victory will be ours.

Pitry: For victory is none other than competing the dead, defending the unknown
mystery of so called justice.
Our reality is controlled by our mind,
our love controlled by our heart.
One cannot expect victory to come as a prize, or help for the wounded soul.
There is only one cure, the beauty of life.

Neil Sky Walker: Given time, my thoughts are spun,
Taking the bullet, shot from my own gun,
I know it's not for me to decide what other people see,
But when I looked inside my dream, I saw myself try or so it seemed.
Take a breath, accept the lie, save ourselves and...
Start to fly.

YNYS: Fly away, to Hunza valley and no alphabets, I can't paint, I’m just doing a routine, learning another language that no one is around to speak, sleeping 4 hours of the evening, then tossing and reading all night long. I wonder where the morning goes, I can't learn here anymore, someone said true wisdom is gained in travel? Make some damn money, smiling at cameras and just go, funny how it all came out!

JEDI KNIGHT: A lonely wait that welcomes me,
foreign land and foreign free
push comes to shove and noise rings clear
paranoid that none shall hear
repercussion and sweet submission
forgotten low and lost position
the feeling flows from underground
some things lost are never found
familiar faces fade away
Surprised you think they're here to stay.
Here comes that feeling, noiselessly sighed
in these words I now confide.

Pitry: The feeling of surprise, you open your eyes,
you feel it inside, does it get better, does life?
Do you see what you believe?
Is it all there, for you to give?
For you to live, to know?

WIERDGIRLFAN: Sapphire and caramel,
Swan feathers and fragility.
There’s a ghost just behind the thinnest silken membrane.
A spirit still haunting last seasons dreams.
Wishes that never were.
A brother dead, only to me.
One word of hate was all it took.
One more and I was outside in.
All I ever did was love you.
I could see your soul spiraling in colored petals.
My enemies only made me stronger.
But it was you who scattered my ashes to the blue.

My memories are as cold as the nuclear winter.
I try to bury you for good.
Your scorn seeps through my soul like venom.
You altered my mechanism.

Some things hurt so much more,
than falling in love these days.
Maybe I can bury you,
but I know that I'll never change.

Govinda: So many smiles and many tears.
When all our dreams were coming truth.
The love we shared in all these years,
I won't forget the hours with you.
You filled my eyes with faith and hope.
You gave my soul stars and bright.
I learned with you what friendship was.
And now I'll miss you all my life.
I feel so alone that I can fall.
I pray all night to hear your laughs.
My road, my life now turns around.
But I can promise you're in my heart.

GLDN74: 'Summer Song' AKA - Shatter my love
I feel the heat of the summer
As I feel the heat of your love
Will this party go on forever
Will I feel power from heaven above

Coz' you said that you'd never leave me
and I think that it's time to test the theory
We've shattered the mirror of love's reflection
And all we need now is our souls’ intervention

I cruise through the city streets,
morality is scarce,
the shards of my soul scattered all over this hot place.
Can we do this another time?
You dismiss me on the phone,
and I can't say I'm surprised.
Once again my love's all alone.

Coz' you said that you'd never leave me
and I think that it's time to test the theory
We've shattered the mirror of love's reflection
And all we need now is our souls’ intervention

Now, I know who you are, seen the scars on your soul,
and you are no good for me.
This party's over, it's last call for love,
so this knight's going to set himself free.

Coz' you said that you'd never leave me
and I think that it's time to test the theory
We've shattered the mirror of love's reflection
And all we need now are our souls intervention

Test the theory, test the theory, test the theory,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, C’mon! C'mon, C'mon,
C'mon now, shatter my love yeah!!
(repeat to fade...)

GOVINDA: Listen, can you listen? The sound of life, the sound of shadows, the sound
of dreams...those voices, are calling me now, for a new world...for a new vision,
just listen to yourself, so many voices, talking, whispering, singing, shouting...is the world,
is our town...listen to them, we taught from each other, we can make this dream come
true. Just Love.

Jasmine: Ah, love! And love it is that binds this world together.. Love and life. Life and love. That is the way to be! I hear it now, "the sound of drums" and the sweet melody!

KARLA: Don’t kick the boot. That is the worst thing anyone could do! Kicking the boot is like kicking your mother, worse! At least you’re mother won’t bite open her sole and show her huge, sharp teeth and chase you down the street so she can bite down hard until blood runs down your leg or arm or face…

Please remember that the boot is the most sensitive clothing item in the house, and you should respect its boundaries at all times! If the boots are sleeping peacefully by your side, don’t disturb them…don’t wake them up to break their fragile bones, that might upset them. The boot gets really angry, and I mean…viciously angry. The boot bites hard. So whether you run into a stranger’s boot or your own tucked away in your own closet, remember that the boot is like a pet in need of love and affection. Also, tie those laces into a nicely done bow…

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