Stream of Consciousness originally
from the Crispian Mills Message
Board YNYS: Here I go --> blah, blah, blah...
I'm moving to London in August, so I'll eventually get the new album and maybe even see him and Kim, Clive, and Mark play live.
Fact is, I'll never know any of these people. Not like I knew the local bands in Sarasota anyway, and it would be pure coincidence if I ever saw them outside of a gig.
Some people on this board either have met them or definitely deserve to because they are musicians.
I'm not a musician so the most I could offer these perfectly strange musicians is "Hello, great music".
I'm sure that some non-musicians could and have offered more than that but I personally couldn't.
I've known all this (aside from the August date) since I posted on Crispian Mills' message board.
Why did I jump start the SOC idea and continue to contribute to it? I don奏 know.
Why do I draw and paint and not spend more time practicing my guitarrita? I don奏 know.
I don奏 know. Call me ignorant and you'd be right.
I just stopped thinking about things that I know I won't figure out. I live because death happens anyway, it's a lot harder to stay alive.... It's so dependant on life that you figure: love must be about status. Something that's been going on forever before, and will always go on forever after. So you just want to stop and let everything else wash over you. If you drift along with the flow or wrestle against the tide, you still end up missing a lot and stepping on something. But if you drown...huh. I dunno, I just...stopped. Now, I'm just beginning.
NEPAL/APPALL/NEPAL/APPALL/KYO
Dipendra...KYO Dipendra...KYO?
GLDN74: It still hasn't sunk in, maybe it won't for a while.
YNYS: Shall I tell you now what I thought I could hear? I dun haven on a moon. I dun haven on a moon.
Vision: Sometimes I am sad and I cry. Then I wish you were here with me to take me in your arms and tell me everything's gonna be all right. Still, it's only a wish, a dream, never to come true. Lorien: Do you see what you've done? First you saved me. Then, you held my heart in your hands. But you just stood there and watched it bleeding. My human drug, don't you know by now I swore you heard my thoughts; but now, I'm not so sure. I'm tripping on you and your words. Can you feel how much it hurt falling down off you? It was harsh. I was almost broken. But, oh boy, I'm addicted. Watch me. Stick the needle in my arm over and over till I can't take the pain... Jayne: And the loneliness falls, that gentle, oozing breath that tells me I'm alone. I peer through the veil; I see only mountains to climb, and rivers to cross. Shrouded in mist, I'm unclear. The narcotic darkness penetrates. Shrouded in its blackness I surrender. I call. I sing. Lorien: Young Bohemian, Lorien: I try to explain,
I
feel it coming, YNYS: Your plans for me lead nowhere. Do you know what I'm thinking?
God smiles at the earnestness with which we pray and kill and love and die. God smiles and shakes his head because God, he knows, is only a name and is a part of something else. We and God see in parts, we speak about a whole, we love in two's or more, lead by one and move in many. God smiles when people stand up for right or wrong, good or evil and watches their confusion just before they die. The devil is in our lazy and determined faces, but the devil cannot be found, like chasing the fear that always seems to be behind your back when you're all alone.
You think you're alone, you see us all as in the dark. So, you must be facing the darkness. You must think you've found the devil and dealt with it. You poor thing, you must therefore believe you've committed murder. You will believe you've found that a part of you is annihilated. You must be so very afraid of black holes and wayward comets and the darkness without any sound. You who think you walk in the light...your eyes must ache so horribly when you sleep. The sun exists in dark space, the sun is a bit more resilient than you. You must be so afraid of the sun burning us all and then shrinking to a tiny little golf ball. You who think you're in love...you who don't seek certainty...you whose only prayer is "help me, I don't understand"...you who sob so hard until it sounds like laughing that you sit frozen in the soft, empty silence...you who realize you could go on doing things forever but know that forever needs a foil; you who lives your life at the heartbeat, like a butterfly sleepy and stuck on its back on a dewy dawn and twilight rocks...you're helpless, enjoy it and hate it and all the time know that fulfillment will come.
Laughter and tears are never wasted. Your sadness is your happiness. Your argument is your only answer. Lorien: Why am I doing this to myself? Why don't I just let go, make it a little easier for you and I? But I can't and I won't. I just don't see how I'm gonna survive.
GLDN74: Time to rip off even more lyrics, I'm past consciousness again! Everything is perfect,
Angel Natasia: My lover and I entwine
GLDN74: The force that has driven me on has finally grown cold,
Watch Jess close all the secrets in her curtains,
Now my family don't seem too familiar,
Govinda: Where the warlock stands,
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On to SOC Vol. 7
The circle of trust appears to have welcomed a new knight to its table.
His armor scarred, his body and soul tired from the many battles fought.
No matter what they tell him, he still considers himself very much on the outside,
not because he doesn't believe them, but because he can't comprehend that someone
as insignificant as himself has been acknowledged.
I see his 50 mile smile and he knows deep down that this is how it all begins,
or rather, he hopes this is how it all begins.
On a foreign beach, he sat in the sun, he made a promise,
and he won't give up until every last avenue has been explored.
The knight turned to me and said, "I am you, get used to it."
I'm up to the challenge, bring it on.
YNYS: It's time to move on, don't think you are the only one they made of you.
At point X, you were the best. Point Y proves you to be little more than average among your peers. You just stopped being available, you just lost your taste. I saw flaw 1 and then 2 and the third one just finished it. You looked good when I was the only one seeing you. You looked alright when you looked back, I just don't think this is the best that I deserve. I knew that it couldn't go on forever, I just forgot to inform you, in case nothing better came along. No agreements, nothing that can't be returned. It's a big world, you'll get lost easy. Stop COLD in your tracks. Don't worry about it, I'll forget easily. If you're needy, I might let you down gently. It's a long life, you'll die eventually. Don't rush things, just hurry to keep this short. Come on...for me? It isn't so bad.
I make the decisions and I have decided that you're time is up.
You is weak. You have no choice in the matter.
You always wants to be I. You is lonely and makes plans to get rid of I's next to You.
GLDN74: The black knight is back on the saddle. He neglected his princess, but he knows he did wrong. Torn between passion and warfare, the glass cage of his life, shattered. What of his new direction? Please shake me free, I'm a stranger to your love. Hey, stop it, those aren't your lyrics. Well, I'll take them on loan. I promise not to leave you behind again. This army of two will fight for the future, for this love.
YNYS: Hiccup when you cry? Throw your head back when you laugh? Get mad at the news? Lie about your last relationship? Prefer not to speak in order to save face? Wish you had been a less embarrassing teenager? Pretend people don't like you to make them like you? Enjoy pity? Hate being patronized? Look in the mirror and don't know why? Wish you didn't exist on a wedding day? Love children but don't understand them? Call people who anger you "people"? Think people are stupid? Think that you're stupid? Don稚 understand why people die? Want to know God loves you? Think you've found the answer and tell people? Get upset when people disagree with you? Think about killing someone? Feel sure it would be all right? Wonder if you're a bad person? Justify yourself? Think more than you speak? Feel lonely? Think about the things that would make you sad? Wish God didn't let you think about bad things? Criticize God for the things God does? Secretly apologize to God for doubting God? Get frightened when God doesn't speak to you? Get angry when no one is around? Feel righteous because no one understands you? Ever think that you don't understand anything? Do you think about betrayal? Wish you didn't?
Child of the Storm clouds,
I embrace the sound of thunder,
Dance at the flash of lightning,
I welcome the Western Wind.
Salutations to my true being.
YNYS: The world is often inhabited by the walking dead. We're like starlight, some of us are gone long before anyone notices.
But nobody's listening.
My words strike deaf ears.
They don't understand.
Why my thoughts are different,
I know that now
Is the right time.
Sneaking up behind me,
Out of the shadows of the summer.
It leaps,
Pounces on my back,
Springs out of the darkness.
I have no choice,
But to surrender to the void.
everything is set,
and that's it,
Dodge can't tell me to stop it,
Sony can't tell me when to quit,
I'm complete!
Revolve around yourself, it's you and no one else,
hard for me to stay,
swinging moods that change,
from calmness to deranged,
unpredictable, unpredictable,
you would see if,
only, you hadn't taken things out of my hands,
only, you'd ever wanted to understand.
Crucify, terrify, sacrifice, my whole life
My whole life My whole life
My whole life
My whole life
if only
if only
if only
if only
I just can't take myself. I just can't take myself.
I just can't take myself.
And then I flipped a new CD into the auto changer and thought of this...
I've been walkin' in the footsteps, of record company lies,
I don't like what I see no more, sometimes I wish I was blind,
Sometimes I wait for hours, to stand out in the rain,
so the boardies don't see me cryin' trying to wash away this pain.
"Ink may fade, Paper may burn, but what is written in the soul will last for all eternity...except for the new album which appears to be taking all eternity."
sunken in midheaven
where endless love
becomes light itself
Between distant clouds
huddled endless love
In midheaven quietness
Where sleeping lovers entwine
Language becomes,
Their fragrant awareness
Spiraling from Heaven
In star-filled streams
Silver pools of light
In moon-drenched beams
Enchanted love flies
On unseen wings
In my heart, I knew that it was a lost cause.
Maybe I was in denial, too scared to face reality.
My lifeline has come in the form of a new light,
shining brighter, than the star of Bath town
And with a geunine warmth,
a real life to lead, not just another life to lead.
I won't screw this one up, I'll get it right,
I won't let my team down and I won't freeze out the youth,
They are the future of the new star,
They hold the key--
If only I'd known 2 years ago.
Guess what, I would'nt have even bothered.
Hindsight is always 20/20
But looking back it's still a bit fuzzy,
Speak of "mutally assured destruction",
Nice Story!
Tell it Hello magazine....I'm beginning to think that's the last place for you to salvage some credibility.
Nothing like a good nonsensical rant, at least I knew what I was yorping on about.
Sailing Mark Pritchard's sweat on a stormy night,
I think I don't know her name, but I can't be certain,
And in me he starts to confide...
And Crispian don't know my name,
And if you, hear me at, Sony's window,
Better get on your knees and pray,
Panic is on the way.
the witch beholds;
where the pagan talks,
the monk is fucked.
Where my brother slept,
all my courage lived;
where my pure smiles
became acted peace.
And I知 sand, I知 dust.
I知 the naked wind.
I知 the silent ocean.
I知 the bitter milk.
I survived to all the monsters.
I survived to my defeats.
I知 still here, inhaling lies,
exhaling clouds to hold my dreams.
GLDN74: Last call for talent and there's a queue at the bar,
Musician's three deep in a mojo, black cat cuts across my path,
There used to be one who stood out from this crowd, but that's all ancient history now.
Replaced by true lies and incompetence,
A monument to corporate mis-trust stands in his place.
All the hangers on, all the glory seekers have left months ago,
the private army have stayed in the vain hope of orders from their once great general,
All I can hear over the radio is static crackle, no SOS, no morse code, just silence.
The first casualty of war is innocence.
The first casualty of this industry is creativity.
The final casualty is the humble music fan,
Spread prostate, over the surgical table of marketing,
With the precision knife wielding surgeons of the A&R department,
Anesthetised by corporate imagery and visual hypnosis,
Kept alive only because they want you to feel pain.
You are their property now, they own you.
A thousand voices tell you to run,
Run as far away from this island of fear, start again on your own.
The Indie route is still open.
Screw the corporate machines,
Get back to basics,
Take control,
Become One,
Only You.